trying to form a habit...

is really harder than it looks...

So, I've been working at forming two habits, & I've been less than successful with both.  The first habit I'm trying to form is that of typing daily in my blog & well, we've seen how effective that has been.  I've actually had one or two thoughts about my Nanowrimo novel - maybe something SCA themed - maybe something that I can use stuff from my trip this summer.  I don't know.  Still looking at plot possibilities.  The second habit I'm trying to form is that of writing down everything I eat every day.  I _really_ want to get down to 160 or below by the time I turn 40, but I've totally plateaued.  I don't eat my Medifast foods more than once a day & I stress eat.  This needs to stop.  I'm at about 212 right now, & that's 34 pounds down from April, but I need to start dropping again.  I'm not certain why exactly I'm sabotaging myself, whether its related to all of the stress of extra roommates or work or what.

You know what I really want to do?  I really want to just bury myself in a story and not come out.  You know what I mean?  I love those stories where the people matter & you just want to sit and experience their lives with them (because It's so much more interesting than your own life) & spend time with them.  That's what I want, a story escape.  I can hear my mother now, "Mary, you're creative.  You can write a story of your own.  Just sit down & do it." Says the woman with the iron will.

Maybe tonight, I'll try to dream & remember my dream & that can become the basis of or an episode in my Nanowrimo.  We'll see.

I'm just conscious of this underlying urge, a sub-cutaneous voice that growls "Do something creative".

Sigh.  Olivia is whining about having to do dishes.  I guess I should go help her.  I really don't want to though.