The first rule...

...when you are in a hole is to stop digging.

See, here's the thing: I've been feeling just poopy for the past several days to a week.  I know, "poopy" is not exactly the most articulate term I could use, but it fits for the moment.  That being said, I am not a fan of this poopiness and wish for it to end, and the sooner the better.  So, how to end the poopiness?  That's where the title comes in.  If I'm tired of how I feel & the state of my life, I have to change my behaviors if I expect to have any shot at all of fixing things.  I have to stop digging.

I need to write more than I do, but until I can get over my pathological fear that someone else will read what I write (yah, I didn't say that I was logical), I can't write honestly.  Here's my plan:  I'll just write to you.  You and I already agreed in my earlier post that you don't know me, & even if you do, well, we're not going to mention this blog, right?  This makes me feel much better, it really does.  See, if I don't know you, then I won't be embarrassed by what I say to you...It makes sense in my brain, I promise.  Anyway, I'm going to write to you, and tell you about stuff and pretend that you care even when I whine (even though I know no-one really does). I'm sort-of hoping that pretending to talk to a real person will help me move past where I am and into a more real space in my head.

Sigh.  I'm also going to have to pretend that you're the sort of person who understands the gibberish that I just wrote. :)

One of the areas where I struggle is being specific.  I have been told that I take being guarded to inspiring new levels, and part of that is that I have mastered side-stepping and ambiguous language.  I promise, I will really work on being clear and specific when we talk, ok?  That seems like a good action plan, right?  I am glad that it's easy to pretend that you agree with me. ;)  Just a note, if I do mention other people, which I might, I am not going to write their actual names (or any variation on them).  No-one else should suffer for my blathering.  You don't know them anyway, so don't worry about it, ok?

You know, it's funny.  I feel a tiny bit of weight lifting, like this silly pretend game may actually help.  I'm kind-of looking forward to talking to you.  Thanks. :)