Thoughts

 I had time to think today, in between research and driving around, and I think I can finally explain some of how I feel...and why that doesn't really change anything.

Say I love someone who is married to a third party.  The thing is, the fact that I love that person does not place on them any expectation of action or even of returning feelings.  I love that person,  nothing more or less. The third party holds my loved one's oath, and it falls to me to simply accept that reality freely and without question.  If I cannot do this, simply accept what is, then what I feel is not love but covetousness, and it is unworthy.

I thought about how I feel today, and that was the conclusion at which I arrived.  There is an oath in place.  I respect and honor that oath, though it is not mine, because it belongs to one whom I love.  I willingly defer to that oath because it is good and right to do so.  And at the same time, I love, without a doubt.  It may be that the love burns itself up in its own fire, but it will do so cleanly, as gold, rather than as a cheap gilt disguise for baser emotions. (I'm not sure that the last metaphor works right there, but it will do for now).