Response to poly questions part 2

(continued from previous post)

3. Be happy ALONE. 

This reminds me of the film "Cool Runnings".  When one of the bob sledders asks John Candy's character Yes, that’about what it feels like to win a gold medal (or something along those lines), Candy replies, "If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it."  I continue to work on being enough just by myself (there are in fact times that I wonder if I will ever be alone  - reference my chaotic life in the previous question). I do think that I'm pretty ok on this one.  I am daily more comfortable inside my skin. 

4. Communicate. Honestly. 

I have to work on this one.  I don't like conflict and I don't like saying things that will (or could) upset the person that I am with, so I repress.  THIS needs work for me.

5. Know what you want. Here’s another list of questions for ya. (Hint: Rules 1 to 4 come in real handy before you get to this one.) Aargh!  These are challenging!

• What would your ideal polyamorous relationship look like? I don't know that my ideal  poly relationship looks that much different than my ideal monogamous relationship.  I just want to love and be loved.  I don't want to be told that I can't love or I oughtn't.  I need to know that somewhere I'm most important, but I don't have to be most important all of the time, and sometimes I want to be left alone.
• What joys do you think polyamory will bring to your life? People to love freely.
• What challenges do you think you will face? Do you think you’re equipped to handle those challenges? This part worries me.  People don't follow the rules.  Emotions are messy, and there is so much, not just potential, but likelihood for drama that I almost don't want to think about poly.  I handle drama pretty well, but I also will step back if someone is a more demanding partner, so it is easy for me to feel shunted aside.  This is where I think that poly is maybe not for me.
• Do the benefits you want match up with the kind of room do you have in your world for multiple partners? There's the rub.  For the next few years, I just don't have room in my life for multiple partners.  I have to get my kids graduated from high school and then maybe, but not until then.  Hell, until then I don't even know if I have room in my life for a single partner.
• Do the benefits you want match up with what you have to give in return in terms of time, energy, availability, etc.? See response above
• What do you think an incoming partner might want from you? How might she or he feel about your situation? Working on this one
• If you have an existing partner, do your values, desires and abilities match up well? Are you looking for the same or compatible sorts of polyamory? Working on this one
• Are you open to a range of options within the range of polyamorous arrangements, or is your interest very specific? If it’s specific, why? What do you hope to gain from that particular form? I am pretty open, I think.  I certainly don't have a particular attachment to a single form or arrangement that I know of.

linked from http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2007/06/10/10-realistic-rules-for-good-non-monogamous-relationships/