Fathers Day ambivalence

So, things that make me grumpy, but I'm trying to recognize that it's not about me:

Today is Fathers Day. Today, I wished my sweetie a happy Fathers Day and specifically thanked him for being there for my kids and for giving them a good example. No big deal, right? Except that we've been together nearly 10 years, & this is the 1st time specifically thanked him for taking that role. So, kind of a Big Deal, for me.

His response: Meh. I am conflicted on Fathers Day because of my father who was a giant steaming pile of manure, so whatever, I don't really care. (I may be paraphrasing a bit, but you get the sense.).

I'm mature enough to bite my tongue and not jump his case on the phone (go, me), but the Mother Monster is awake & riled. She's thinking, "Fine, if that's how you feel about it, see if I thank you again or make myself vulnerable that way again. If that's how you feel about my kids, then you and the horse you rode in on can just..." You get the idea. Mother Monster is grumpy.

On top of that, I'm trying not to be hurt that, once again, I tried to say something nice and did it wrong. Some days it seems like no matter what I try to do or say, it will be the wrong thing. This is why remarrying is not likely. If I can't figure out, after 10 years, how to give a compliment or a gift that will be received well, I'm just hopeless.

On the other hand, I have just enough rational brain cells left to know that his response is not about me or my kids. Its entirely about his ambivalence toward his own father. I get that. Today (& Mothers Day, for other reasons) is one of those days that ends up repeatedly scraping up old memories and hurts until he just feels like one big, open wound. When you feel like that, there's not really anything that anyone can say to make it better. All you can do is cave up and endure the day, and all his loved ones can do is be there in silent reassurance.

So, I'm biting my tongue and growling over here out of the way. Maybe we will talk about it another day. Maybe we won't. Maybe we will talk about part of it, but not the whole. We will see. Thanks for listening, anyway.